Endless Abeyance

Four months of the year have just flown by and it’s just about the third time that I have got down expressing a few incoherent thoughts. I have never quite believed the common jargons…of being caught up or being busy with work but being in similar boots has made me quite realize the validity of the statement. I find 24 hours of the day not enough for the cycle of lie with its chores. That’s quite the magnitude of the crazy schedule I have been following for the last one and half months. My thoughts have taken a back seat amidst this roller coaster ride of action.
Amongst the wave of rising and receding thoughts that pass by the one that hits me pretty often is why am I doing this? Being a staunch believer that every human action is stimulated by a primary drive be it money, power, love, lust, greed, family requirements, fear, status or simply working for the heck of it. This of course includes the basic necessities as a sub set within its ambit.
I have not managed to find an answer about what my fundamental drive is. It seems the present state of my life is mere status quo or an unwillingness to confront the larger realities of life. I am working or appear to be working as a mere escape from everything- situation, people, and vacuum and most importantly from myself.
Watching IPL, shopping, eating, talking, reading, recession fear-everything seems to be a substitute for another act. The spirit and soul is buried deep down.
Once again I am floating with no direction. Its endless abeyance!