Trip to Vizag

Our jaunt to Vizag was a freak out plan that took birth about four weeks ago. Drained and strained by the hectic chores of life at 3:30 or 4 am on a Friday (that’s quite like us) we took a decision to pack our bags and leave at the earliest possible date that was commensurate for all. At times in life we often reach a point wherein the mechanical routine gets so much into you that the solitary desire to ‘break free’ overtakes every other daily duty, routine office work and responsibility that binds you. Such was our frame of mind when after six months of deliberation (am sure all of us involved know how many times we have discussed a vacation) we took the call to just ‘go’ “come what may” be the consequences.

A vacation is the only time wherein we get time to contemplate about life, where we are and maybe what we intend to do. My agenda for the trip was a bit different. As mentioned before it was to break free from the shackles which bound me for the last few months. But alas destiny has its own plans in every intended trip which sparked some colorful moments, hilarious incidents, surprise separations, heightened emotions - all of which paved way for some great experiences and thought provoking realizations.

Amongst the other places of visit (Kailashgiri, beaches) I somehow knew that I would go back to the Kali temple eversince I visited it for the first time in 2007. I felt at strangely at home and relaxed. Ma Kali’s eyes conveyed unconditional assurance. I thanked the person who built this wonderful temple facing the sea.

The climax of the trip was definitely the night out at the beach. Along with my friends I went absolutely crazy. We totally let loose, experiencing an all time high - shouting, screaming, running and absorbing the night in ecstasy. To load shedding and complete darkness added to the excitement. It almost unbelievable how we invested our efforts to get the correct focus of the camera and managed to pose in darkness for "perfect" photo shoots. The waves dashed and as usual I fell completely drenched. One of the few times, I let go completely. It seemed that all my virtues and vices fused in the unending sea and for once I felt I could be myself minus any pretensions and consequences.

The road to Araku got me connected with the mountains and their grandeur. The constant defenders of nature irrespective of time and space gave me the much needed feeling of consistency in vacillating times. Borra caves, gardens and coffee plantations was a time of prefect communion with nature.

To add to my philosophical reflections I would emphasize that the trip exposed me to a mixed bag. The eternal sea with the rising and receding waves reminded me of our journey through life with its highs and lows. I traced the path of a wave rising from eternity, making for the peak midway or towards the end but reaching its destination to this side of the shore at any cost. It seemed that the sea told me the story of life. On the other hand the mountains spoke of solitude, peace, determination and permanency in nature. I drew inspiration for my inward nature and internal solace. There could be no better balance and leveling of life a combination of the moving sea and still mountains.

My trip was not only one of reflections. I had a ball of a time laughing my heart out, cracking jokes, being a victim to the silly ones, tripping to glory, complaining, yelling, demanding food hungrily, fasting, yapping, sleeping, being sarcastic with anger…It covered almost every emotion… So a toast to the buddies who made this happen …I love you all!

I would coin this trip as certainly a one I would look back down memory lane. As the saying goes people, associates, acquaintances friends come and go in your life but memories, and feelings remain. And some moments which are trapped within frames of a photograph add to the bag of experiences that stay with you. Surprisingly I remembered a film dialogue that “The show must go on” irrespective of any situation. It’s our spirits that trigger us to move on. An interaction with nature reiterated this fact yet again.

She was in chains...

Quite some time a younger me wrote this one:

She was in chains...seemed like within four walls of prison
Confinement was her life, solitariness her friend
She dwelt alone with her thoughts in her small world
One day, the tempest arrived...the earth shook
Crumbling and rumbling the doors broke, the chains crashed
It seemed she was confronted with eternity, unlimited and boundless was her vision
The wind touched her face, she breathed the fragrance of nature
She ran wildly, screamed aloud, insanity drove her
She was free, forever free...
But insanity was transient...she heard the sound of chains again...
She felt the pain...tears gushed down her eyes
Running and panting she came back to the walls
All she could see was debris and total destruction
She wondered whether the storm had destroyed her life?
The alarm bell rang and she jumped out of the bed
It was dawn which transcended through the four walls which bound her
So was she dreaming or was it in nightmare?
She wondered in despair...
She went back in her little world where she dwelt in her own thoughts
But then she could hear the chains whispering again
Maybe someone someday would free her
With a mixed bag of hope and despair she continued through the day thereafter

A new ray of light in our lives

It was sheer excitement, hope and joy in ally with mild anticipation that began nine months ago and finally culminated into 21st May- The day when “Ahona entered planet Earth!”(That was my sister’s title line in the album she sent us). Life at times unfolds its beauty in the obvious yet most unique experiences. That’s exactly what dittoed my feelings the day my niece was born.

In spite of being located in the other half of the world, my pulses ticked with greater speed ever since I heard that Didi (my sister) was in the labor room. When I heard the news from Kingshuk da( my brother in law), I gauged that physical distance which is often coined as an obstacle is at times superseded by overwhelming emotions and happiness. Although I won’t deny that I would have loved to be there, I was no less ecstatic in my present vicinity. And in present times of pressure, stress and madness of the rat race, it’s not often that I feel this way.

What followed was endless phone calls, sms, exchange of greetings, deliberations about her pet name and celebration. There was a wave of euphoria between family members, relatives, friends and well wishers. I felt that the common chord of happiness struck between a group of people who were separated by physical distance and yet unified by their strong bonding and attachment. My niece’s birth reiterated this fact yet again.

When I first saw her photographs I was unable to believe my eyes. My imagination had been contoured within the frames of some magnificent pictures. Her gaze, laughter, tears, wonders and surprise stares summated to a pristine and pure feeling which filled me with gratitude to the divine. Didi’s subtle smile, Kingshuk da’s happiness and Ma’s joy were all trapped within the lenses. On this side of the globe, it’s amazing how her snaps can color even the dullest days and gloomiest moods with a heartfelt smile.

I later learned from Didi that Ahona means dawn or the awakening light. The name is indeed symbolic. Ahona is the first member of the next generation in our family. As Didi and Kingshuk da enter parenthood, we (me, cousin brothers and sisters) become Mashis (Aunts), and Mama (Uncles), and our parents, aunts and uncles become grandparents, it is the beginning of a new phase for all of us. She has entered with a light of sunshine in our lives, rejuvenated our spirits and a belief that life is beautiful.

Endless Abeyance

Four months of the year have just flown by and it’s just about the third time that I have got down expressing a few incoherent thoughts. I have never quite believed the common jargons…of being caught up or being busy with work but being in similar boots has made me quite realize the validity of the statement. I find 24 hours of the day not enough for the cycle of lie with its chores. That’s quite the magnitude of the crazy schedule I have been following for the last one and half months. My thoughts have taken a back seat amidst this roller coaster ride of action.
Amongst the wave of rising and receding thoughts that pass by the one that hits me pretty often is why am I doing this? Being a staunch believer that every human action is stimulated by a primary drive be it money, power, love, lust, greed, family requirements, fear, status or simply working for the heck of it. This of course includes the basic necessities as a sub set within its ambit.
I have not managed to find an answer about what my fundamental drive is. It seems the present state of my life is mere status quo or an unwillingness to confront the larger realities of life. I am working or appear to be working as a mere escape from everything- situation, people, and vacuum and most importantly from myself.
Watching IPL, shopping, eating, talking, reading, recession fear-everything seems to be a substitute for another act. The spirit and soul is buried deep down.
Once again I am floating with no direction. Its endless abeyance!

The Winds of Change

"Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream awayIn the wind of change."

There are some songs that can elevate you from any mood, situation or emotion! And so simply yet lucidly proclaim the feelings which you have been yearning to coherently organize and express. That’s the amazing power of music to strike a chord with the soul! It’s inspired me to write my a few lines from my heart.

My first association with the song was by sheer accident. It was one of the classics by the Scorpions that were within my ‘borrowed’ collection of songs. The very first time I heard it, I could connect with it instantly.

Strangely enough, earlier I was so apprehensive about change, its repercussions and effects. Status quo was and is always the comfort zone to which I love clinging. And paradoxically it is change and mobility which has been the source of existence in my life or for that matter anyone’s life.

New experiences, lessons of life, shedding of the rigidities, breaking free from inhibitions, developing new bonds, accepting life for what it is, giving way to what is new-these are some of the phrases linked with the meaning of change to me . The excitement, thrill and sheer experience of the magical moments would make me want to experience and absorb more and more. I would truly love to keep “blowing with the Wind of Change”. Because it is only change which is constant and keeps one moving.

"Walking down the street
Distant memories
Are buried in the past, forever.."

It’s true that somewhere the child in me still dreams away. After every disappointment, loss and struggle there is a sense of hope that prevails-as per cyclical law of nature happiness will dawn. I almost sound cynical but as the saying goes that the deepest of emotions and soul searching is colored by a spark of grief of the past and bygone years.

"The Wind of Change
Blows straight into the face of time
Like a storm wind that will ring the freedom bell.."

And it’s so true that time has been the best healer for every difficult experience and bitter memory–“The Wind of Change blows straight into the face of time” And once I release and let go the memories that imprisoned me, I felt liberated and free.

It was much later that I read about the background of the song and learned that it was about breaking the communist system down and about the positive turning of communist countries in Europe to democracy. Although there was nothing political about my thoughts. Neither does it reflect my allegiances. But somewhere I can always connect with the values of freedom, liberty and the new order (the old giving way to the new).

It’s so strange that some songs tie the personal to the collective and cross every barrier of time and space. The sheer expression of opposite feelings of hope and despair at the same time makes it a soul stirring composition that elevates me from every possible emotion which binds me. I feel larger than every experience and a step closer to the divine.

Birthday Thoughts - 9th January, 2009

As I cross another year to add a plus one to my age, I thought it was a good time to pen down some thoughts that often waver across my mind. In the hustle bustle of everyday life, I often tend to shove them away in the backseat succumbing to the demands of a corporate life and struggling to fulfill daily chores. There is simply no time to think and even if there is the mind simply wants to relax and escape any serious self introspection. Such has been the jaunt through the roller coaster ride called life over the last few years.

Birthdays are always a day to feel special. In this context I have the rare feat of feeling even more special since I happen to share this occasion with my father. Taking a peek down memory lane I still remember the birthday celebrations in the train (coming home from a vacation) wherein Maga and I distributed sweets and chocolates. The excitement of wearing a colored dress to school and cutting a swimming pool cake from Flury’s used to take over almost 10 days before- it was like a culmination of the winter events- a finale after Christmas, New Year, winter full of outings, fares and picnics. It seems strange that the little things of life like wrappers and stickers and hand written birthday card invitations were so important and valuable…somewhere lost today in the cyber and mobile age.

One universal thing across age and time that remains unchanged is the fact that birthdays are a time to celebrate and feel important. Our modes of communication have no doubt been altered and reduced from birthday cards to sms and quick std calls. But the sheer happiness of someone greeting, unexpectedly remembering you or the disappointment of someone forgetting your birthday surfaces a bag of special emotions-a reinforcement of past present and existing bonds, relationships, friendships and associations.

This year’s birthday was unexpected and exciting many ways. The prelude was colored by thoughts of how great it would have been at home and a recap of yester years. Being a Friday I did not have scope to celebrate it royally with dinning (am a converted veggie of course and all of you must be knowing that I fast on Friday). My friend was sweet and thoughtful to start the celebrations at 11 am in her house. It began with me cutting the cute cake. Life in a PG is fun with 12 o’clock celebrations. One of my buddies brought a delicious chocolate cake. I just managed to cut and quickly stuff a portion of the yummy cake at five minutes to 12.

Unexpected surprises are simply great on birthdays! I was expecting a cake from my cousin brother in 9th January morning which arrived at 12 am on Friday. The next two hours of the night and the day after in office was spent in being lauded by wishes and taking phone calls, visiting Arshiya (the girl from school)and the temple for while (did not manage much work at office).The celebrations went on till the Sunday birthday treat-the fun, frolic, food and cake cutting were special moments .I wanted to make the most of these experiences with the thought crossing my mind that I had no clue as to when and where I would be next year! Seemed to me that the unpredictability of life at times stimulates you to make the most of it.

Coinciding with the second week after New Year my birthday is always an apt time to coin and reiterate New Year Resolutions. As the year unfolds I always wonder balanced by eager anticipation and apprehension as to what the year would bring for me. I heard a very interesting saying the other day that life is full of alibis till we find true sense of purpose for it. Somehow I find a strange connection with my own life wherein things have just happened to me.

Coining a resolution and sticking by it would mean a little more effort on my part. Apart from focusing on work I would have a host of other things on the agenda. Being sensitive to feelings of others, nurturing relationships and associations, devoting some more time to unselfish ends (known as social work), concentrating on spirituality, value, being grateful for what Life has given me and above all stop complaining! (I cannot be hundred percent sure about the last one)

As a start point, I have decided to find the true meaning to life, to ACT and convert opportunities into options rather than wait for things to happen and in some way be closer to not living as an alibi.

Welcome to the World Without Boundaries!

After months of pondering, some pushing by friends, the New Year & Birthday Resolution and a spark of internal motivation, I finally decided to document my thoughts which ofcourse cross every barrier of finite boundary diluting the line between reality and imagination...I hope to explore, absorb and experience this World Without Boundaries to the chore

Am sure my forceful readers would be treated with some heavy and serious writings...although I promise to make it as simple as possible...

Enjoy!!!